Cultivating Presence in Postpartum Care: A Quiet Revolution

In lactation and postpartum care, we often focus on skills, checklists, and clinical knowledge. But there’s another layer that subtly shapes every interaction: our presence.

Presence is more than being in the room. It’s a felt state. It’s what allows us to truly meet a mother where she is—to listen without needing to fix, to support without overwhelming, to attune to her without absorbing her emotions. Presence is where nervous systems find safety. It is what we regulate to.

“Cultivating Presence” is a course I first offered years ago. It has since evolved. In June 2025, I offered an updated two-hour version for Jen Tow’s Integrative/Holistic Lactation cohort, and the response affirmed its importance. Several attendees, including RNs, expressed a desire for more. What followed was a commitment: to offer this work as a series of small group trainings for those who support mothers in the postpartum space.

What is Cultivating Presence? Cultivating Presence is a practical, skills-based training rooted in trauma-aware care, nervous system literacy, and language attunement. It teaches how to:

• Regulate our own nervous systems using breath, posture, and intention

• Use the principles of Pacing and Leading to join a mother in her state, and then gently guide her to a more resourced one

• Apply the “Yes Set”—a hypnotic technique that builds rapport through simple affirmations or compliance questions

• Use observation and nonverbal cues to enter limbic rapport

• Offer suggestions and support in ways that land softly and do not provoke resistance

• Maintain our own inner ground, even when a client is in distress

The Impact of Performance Pressure In class, we spoke of professional women who arrive at motherhood wired for performance. They are accustomed to success. They strive. When breastfeeding does not come easily, they feel as though they are failing. The lactation visit can become a crucible of pressure. Our task as providers is not to fix this, but to accept it. To stay in our own Presence.

As I told the class: Acceptance creates space for presence. In ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), commitment means committing to one’s value. In this work, that value is presence.

Rapport is Not Merging: Some IBCLCs find the idea of Pacing and Leading unnatural. We are trained, as women, to support each other’s sense of self. To merge. To empathize. But therapeutic rapport is not merging. It is entrainment. It is rhythmic. It is trustworthy because it is stable.

Presence is not passive. It is an active state of coherent awareness. From this state, we guide without controlling. We lead without dominance. We offer space without collapse.

What Happens in Class? In class, we don’t just talk about Presence. We practice it. Participants experience:

• Simple somatic exercises to open the inner space

• The use of voice, breath, and gaze to co-regulate

• Scripts and demonstrations that show how language shapes perception

• Shared insights on what it means to be with mothers in real moments of vulnerability

And always, the invitation: to carry these tools into your own life. Presence isn’t just for the mother. It’s for you.

A Note on Ethics: Many of the tools we teach—such as the Yes Set—are used in sales, politics, and advertising. That is why ethics matter. When we use these techniques, we do so with clarity: we are not trying to persuade. We are offering safety, an essential step for trauma support.

Final Thought: When Presence is established, a field emerges—a coherent space, a zone of calm. You may have felt it with a friend over coffee, when time seemed to slow down and soften. That field between two persons who are present and attuned is real. It is studied in neuroscience. And in care work with mothers, it is sacred.

This is what Cultivating Presence is about.